Monday was the day that I was scheduled for breast MRI tests. This is one of many different types of tests I will be undergoing in the coming weeks, months, and probably years.

Such a strange experience, and not exactly what one might expect.

First, when the nurse was scheduling me, she asked the weirdest questions, like “Have you ever had metal in your eye”. Metal in my eye? I tried desperately to remember any instance in my childhood that might have resulted in me having any shards of metal that I may have forgotten. Apparently, this machine consists of such a powerful magnet that if I had ever had metal in my eye…well let’s just say it would have removed itself during the MRI. Blecch!

So needless to say, I was a bit nervous when the test began. I fervently hoped I hadn’t forgotten some lead pencil accident or something. Strangely, I squinched my eyes closed, hoping that if I had forgotten anything, I wouldn’t experience anything awful (as if keeping my eyes closed would actually help).

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Well, we’re down to the wire, folks. For the past two weeks, I’ve been preparing myself for tomorrow’s surgery.

I’ve read more information about breast cancer in the past two weeks than I ever thought was possible to read. In fact, I’m pretty sure I could pass a medical exam on the subject by now…

I’ve surfed online for pictures of what a mastectomy looks like, to help shield myself from the absolute shock of seeing what it will look like. It ain’t pretty, but at least I know what I’m in for…

I’ve read countless survivor’s stories and have laughed and cried along with them…

I’ve read each and every comment and thoughts from friends and people I’ve never met, which has helped enormously. Man, I can’t tell you how good it is to know I’m not doing this alone…

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I woke up a short time ago and am heading back to bed shortly. My body said “hey, time for your meds”.

But I wanted to take a quick moment to update everyone and let you know that I am home and am being cared for by the best nurses in the world. My dear husband has been beside himself making sure I have everything I need. He’s teaching me that it is ok to let someone else take care of me for a change. I can’t imagine going through this without his undying love and support.

My wonderful brother has been handling the housework and taking care of the dog for me, and his strength and help mean so much to me. I’ll never forget how he’s willing to set aside his own life for me at this time.
(These two men are amazing caregivers!)

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Well, now that I’m home and resting comfortably, I thought it would be a good time to fill in the blanks on how things went at the hospital.

I won’t lie and say that it was a fun experience. For anyone who needs to undergo any kind of surgery, there’s no such thing as a truly fun day at the hospital. However, I’ve never been the type of person to allow pain or difficulty to take over my life, nor do I wish to complicate the lives of others around me by whining and complaining.

So, I made a decision about how this day was going to be, and I refused to let anything interfere with my decision.

I decided to see how many times I could make people laugh while I was there, and I also decided I was not going to need to stay overnight at the hospital. These were the two things I chose to focus my attention on, as my way of dealing with my day.

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After the diagnosis, Michel and I took the time we needed to absorb it all and deal with it on an emotional level. We were in waiting mode, waiting for the first appointment with the oncologist who would tell us what kind of chemotherapy treatment regimen would be required. We were waiting for the first appointment with the radiologist who would tell us how the radiation treatments would be administered. And we were waiting for test results to tell us what type of hormone therapy I would be given.

The waiting is one of the most difficult things we need to deal with. Waiting to get more information. Waiting to find out what happens next. Waiting to learn how long I’ll be going through this.

Waiting to “live” again.

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